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Oct 14, 2014

FlatShoenista the Post-Shopaholic ::: Goes Shopping to Town with Fall in Her Arms

Dear Flattie-Lovvers,

Today, I took myself out on an 'Artist Date' to decompress and to welcome in the October Chills to my bones...

I know that in the US, my friends are brainstorming Halloween costumes already, and the Color Industry is hooking us up with some new Fall/Winter palettes, too.

Caption: First world problems... Halloween costumes are the latest buzz on my Facebook walls... :D

~ Season's Greetings ~
It got way chilly, here in Seoul, and now, you can't go out without a jacket or a knit cardigan...

Caption: Plums, berries, burgandies...
Rich dark colors bring a certain dark romance to the beginning of the season...

* * *

So, I decided to go to the hip & trending fashion district in Seoul, called Myung-dong, which I haven't been to in a while. I just needed to see the fall's new attractions, new colors, patterns, textures, and shapes... Just drink in all the newness and fresh imprints from the *evil* garmentos, those manipulative wallet-stripping monsters... that used to once raid my heart AND my bank account... :P

Caption: Myung-dong, this afternoon... October 13, 2014.

* * *

I think I have blogged about me being a shopaholic before, maybe twice or three times... but today, or actually, this whole year, I have been really mindful about it.

Today, I remembered how fraught I used to feel, how deep of a shame & deep longing I needed to feel connected to the natural pace and cycles of the seasons, to be able to discern what fit with the new updated me, and to be allowed to let go of things that didn't fit.

Being in your twenties can do that to a girl, I guess. The world feels like your oyster, I felt both impoverished, denied, and entitled. Now I look back, I just notice, how DEEP of a Need that was for my Soul. This NEED to just drink in the new season... The urgency and drive to go out to the stalls and vendors, and see what is happening right now. Perhaps even, that feeling, that partaking in that Evil Consumerist Dance still gave me access to some sort of a membership among a larger collective unconscious... All of that. That mattered to me.

Adorning the self, adorning the dwelling space. Understanding light, listening to the textures and weaves... This enriching sensory environment, that really mattered to my being. It made love to my heart, it paused me to be present and still, it stimulated me into being here and now.
* * *

When my brother in law confronted me about my shopping addiction, I came face to face with the Empty Hollow Part of Me. I didn't realize what a state I had fallen to. I joined a recovery group, but the addiction was so far advanced, my fingers shook, when I froze up my credit card in a ziplock bag, and couldn't make a impulse buy in a clothing store... I knew the Pained Part of Me for real, and in that despairing moment, I couldn't imagine getting better. I couldn't imagine being where I am sitting right now.

Not incurring debt to enjoy fashion. Not feeling that hunger driven madness. Instead, I'm home, in a cozy apartment, having been *responsible* and *Self-Trusting* and able to give myself the *experience* of still communing with the Season's Greetings and Multitude of Goodies. 

Of course, having been to the Sales, there had been numerous tuggings at my heart. There were the lovely long cardigans that completes a Fall Wardrobe for any year, some updated plaid shirts and variations on the trench coat and the light wool coat-jackets... The jeggings trend hasn't died down yet, but now, there are offerings of more serious straight cut wool dresses for work... Compared to the past 2~3 years, the colors have become a lot somber, it's as if the Fashion Gods have agreed that F/W 2014 would be a time of Back to Basics.

But, now that I've stopped shopping since August 2013, which is round about the time I joined the big ENTP group on Facebook... I have somehow been able to stay *stronger* from these tuggings at my heart. I found 2 or 3 really perfect 10/10 cardigans today, but I knew that back home in my closet, I had 2 taupe cardigans from my sister. Actually, I was wearing one of them today.

I saw a gray/black jacket-coat that was the right fabric weight and design line, from now until mid-Winter, but I remembered I have a red coat-jacket that serves the same purpose. :)

So, on and on it went. I realized I really did not have a need for new clothes. I already had everything to clothe myself with. I mean, just this morning, I was surprised just how MANY tank tees I had amassed in the past 2-3 years! I should probably go and count them, just to see exactly how many they are...

* * *

Well, so here are my *indulgences* of the day...

Caption: Cat in a cat cafe. This one must be the Grumpy Cat of the Lot~!!

I have been meaning to visit a cat cafe for a while now, and I suddenly saw a sign post for it... So that was my first stop, after the underground arcade clothes shops. Sadly, the Migliore mega-mall was closed on Mondays... 

Caption: Persian beauty... This is the cat breed I love so much...
It's like warm snow that doesn't melt...

* * *

After a nice but chokeful downtime at the Cat parlor, I ventured into the darkening street... Looking for novelty, looking for my new friends... *the Pulse* of the Trends...

And I tested products and colors, perfumes, and humidifiers...
I canvassed the area for earrings and necklaces...

Oh, the THRILL... the thrill of the HUNT...
It was still there...

Just knowing that it was still there felt really good.
I remember, that first lovely time, my Mom was really sad and hurt,
and she took me and my sister to the endless Yaohan Mall in KL...
And we three had a great time there,
comforted by lights, and colors, and textures, and the
constant chatterings of the sellers...

We felt so wanted, so deserving, and treated in a way
that made us feel welcomed, embraced, and accepted.

And we never talked about her feelings that day.
We came home, with bags of novelties...
She asked us to try them on, for a fashion show in our living room.

I didn't know how to touch my Mom's heart
at the time. But I wish I could have put those bags aside,
and asked her - what are you feeling Mom?

I don't know. Maybe I should've learnt how to knock
or something. This is still one of my weaker areas...

* * *
But, today... Today, I am Victorious.

I had planned on buying 3 more lamps for my home, and bought just one today.

I had meant to replace my earrings and nail polish, and found those.

I didn't impulse buy the awesome Spider Man humidifier, I didn't buy a new perfume on a whim, I didn't buy any more lipsticks or maybe-necklaces~!!

But I had fun testing out products and colors. Sniffing different scents and possibilities.

Caption: What I returned home with ~
A table lamp, a clear nail polish with itty bitty pieces in it, and small earrings.

So, today -
I'm V i c t o r i o u s . 


~ FlatShoenista ~

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