Apr 4, 2014

Project 333: Days 1,2&3 and Trouble Shooting the Habit of More is More Thinking

As much as I have enjoyed wearing my 33 items in the first 3 days of Project 333, the night times have been a challenge for me.

My 33 would be more perfect if I ... X, Y, Z.
My 33 is not good enough ... in my eyes.

I've been raised by a caregiver who 'over stimulated' me as a child I think, and I've just grown accustomed to the notion that More Is More Must Be More thinking.

The weather was colder than I thought. I must account for the days I have periods where I need more darker colors. I just had a fantastic idea for a black necklace and a rosy beige tank tshirt. The suit jacket I picked out might be too stiff and uncomfortable to wear for teaching. My skirts don't include a black! My tank top colors look too bright suddenly, what if I get bored of them? I already feel differently than how they felt yesterday!

*Pause*

So these are the panicky voices raging through my head, having been both happy and satisfied with my initial selection of the 33.

I shared these *emotions* with the Facebook group, Thank you Courtney Carver for creating that group, it's a God Send!, and one of the ladies really held up a mirror for me! And here's what Jo shared with me:

"I think everyone new to P333 is feeling a little anxious about this commitment right now .
But if I may speak frankly, Jessica, I've been reading your blog a little while and I think you might have a fear of committing 100% to this. I noticed you have tried a LOT of different systems, looking for the answer you long for. But nothing is perfect, so you try something else.
I have the same problem! And a while ago I read a Buddhist book/essay called "The Wisdom of No Escape" that said that we keep jumping from thing to thing, looking for the answer, but we are running on a treadmill (of affliction? or "suffering" - the Buddhist word/idea is hard to translate! but do you know what I mean?) and we will never work through the fear and challenging emotions to really learn the things we need to learn because we always run away and try something else when it gets hard. I know I ALWAYS give myself an "out" (an exit) and so I always fail.
So even though I believe what other people say here and what Courtney says about "better to do it imperfectly than give up completely" I think maybe we might benefit from just sticking with it and dealing with the discomfort of doubt and fear and see what happens. I feel like I should join you in that challenge! Maybe we don't need to have things to switch out. Maybe we can be OK for a month (maybe 3?!) with what we have chosen. If we sit with the feeling..."

Well. That really made my nail, and Jo totally nailed it for me. (For Jo's adventures, you can read her blog too: http://adventuresintheherenow.wordpress.com)

It's such a wonder too, how this 'Fashion Challenge' is serving as a portal to gaining how I operate generally in my life. So, the problem isn't what is sitting or not sitting in my 33 items. The problem is my brain; it loves to come up with new combinations and create new exciting visual outfit combos, it likes to and is prone to detecting problems when there isn't one. The problem is my emotions; I feel that I must have more, what I have is just Not Enough. Living inside the chosen stuff freaks me out. There. You have my words. It's only Day 3 of the Month of April Challenge for me, and I am freaking out about it. Is it my unruly, rebelliousness? Have I grown too accustomed to defining myself by who I'm NOT, that living and bowing to the rules makes me feel uneasy?

Must admit though, there's a strange brain chemical that gives me this odd sneaky sense of satisfaction of RUINING the challenge. My mind works in mysterious ways like that. (Shaking my head...)

As for the earlier 'issues' and 'challenges' I was feeling, again, my very fast brain got to work, and although it was tempting to take out a skirt or t-shirt to replace it with a patterned dark color leggings, I could see that for heavy duty days, I COULD in fact, wear black tights with my pink work skirt, OR I could wear the longish Tshirts to cover up my derriere.

I reread the Rules and Ms. Carver says if extreme weather changes etc., one can set aside 3 extra items. I think I'll limit myself to that. And I might use one of the empty drawers in my armoire to house the lovely combos I want to try, but isn't a part of the 33. Or better yet, I should be boxing them up and hiding them away from sight!

Anywho, I'm going to stick to my original 33. And see if I can LIVE THROUGH my 'Less Than Perfect' 33. :P

Let me know, if you also suffer from this kind of Sneaky Perfectionism! And what you've been feeling and what you've been trying to deal with it!

Gotta run now...
xoxo

Jessica

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