Apr 1, 2014

Mind Over Fashion Affliction #01 - Boredom


Hello Readers!

Well, here I am~
Having had some productive strides over the weekend...
Still working on my 'Inventory of 200 wardrobe items' and eagerly looking forward to participating in the new cycle of Project 333 (April ~ May ~ June).

Just wanted to share though, some interesting insights I had during my 'Fashion Affliction' related meditation tonight.

As some of you read already, I've been having a tough time, editing my bag collection. The initial number of bags I wanted to keep was 5, I stretched that to 10, and it still didn't seem enough.

So, I brought out my pink yoga mat, sat in front of my heap of bags. And put my iPad timer on for 20 minutes. Did exactly what Monk Hwansun taught in his YouTube videos. Held my 'Bag Affliction' as my 'Hwa-doo' (Thought focus) and got in touch with the 'Pain Spot' within my heart and body.

I tried to figure out 'What was driving me thusly' to be so 'lost' in these fashion systems, to be hoarding and attached to so many of these 'Stuffs' which I'm not needing or using everyday.

I could choose out 4 of my 'Absolute Must Bags' easily, because they were the bags I could rely on to do heavy duty either daily or were just PERFECT in every way.

* * *

Well, after staying with my agitated, restless, pained feelings, I guess 'Anxiety' and 'Discomfort' are really what it felt like from the inside.

It slowly dawned in my mind, that all this 'addiction' and 'attachment' to fashion and stuff, was my way of meeting the needs for Stimulation and Fun. Deep down, I was feeling bored with myself and my life. It felt like a fix I had to cure. And that's what this fashion stuff was 'serving a purpose of' all these years.

* * *

It also simultaneously dawned on me too, that what I would enjoy is to feel liberated through self expression, social engagement, singing and dancing. Painting, creating, coordinating.


I have mild forms of adult ADD, so having all these choices, stuff given to me by my sister and mother, recreational shopping didn't really help me at all. I just felt like I was drowning and overwhelmed, stressed out with the amount of stuff I own.

When it comes to jewelry, I probably utilize less than 2% of what I've amassed. There's heirloom from my Mom and Grandma, there's stuff I'd been given as gifts, things that I got from my sister when she moved, stuff I bought as experiment during my DYT...

* * *

I still felt a lot of stuck feelings, so I kept focusing on my 'Hwa-doo' and I eventually arrived at an understanding that other than just the 'Fashion as Solution to Boredom' thing, I also had a layer of 'Deep self-distrust' or 'Insecurity and vagueness about the choices I make.' It's this foggy feeling that surrounds me, I'm not confident in the choice I'm making, so I need options F-Z. It was a perpetual cycle of negativity and self-doubt.

*Deep breath here*

I thought about all those years, growing up with my Mom who, in her efforts to 'teach me and educate me' to 'NOT be Vain' had denied me time and time again, the pleasures associated with Fashion and Beauty. And the addictive shopping habit was handed down to me too, a double edged trouble, one part Deprivation, another part Binge 'Discount' Shopping. And without concerted effort to truly understand the 'tradition' and 'routine' or maybe even 'Ritual' that I 'grew up watching' I was repeating 'history.' And I wasn't living consciously, and giving myself the freedom and help I needed.

* * *


Well, I am definitely forging a new path now. 
The meditation helped me get in touch with an important part of my Inner Turmoil and Inner Lostness. 

I am actively getting and receiving help from my very nurturing and validating boyfriend! He is an INFJ (I'm an ENTP) and I love his J-ness. Even tonight, he encouraged me to stick to the 'Inventory of 200' project, when my P-ness wanted to abandon ship, and skip ahead to the new Project 333. :D

I am getting so much stimulation and positivity from you readers, and the Fashion group friends I have on Facebook, too.

* * *

In closing, I'd like to share with you, the parting words, and I'm totally borrowing them from Monk Hwan-sun from his YouTube video on Addiction.




Thank you for being with me on this journey...
If you are unhappy with how you spend, engage in retail therapy, and/or how you relate to your shopping for fashion and image, you're welcome to join us in the Facebook group below. 


6 Weeks Without Shopping - (Fashion Support Group)

You are welcome to join us, even if you are not interested in doing the '6 Weeks, No Shopping Challenge' by the way! Our cycle 1 ended, and we are currently working on Cycle 2: Replacement Challenge.

But the most important and only requirement is that you are seeking change in your own relationship to your habits and money and clothing.

* * *

Cheerio~ Fashion-Readers!

Love you!

Sending you some *heart joy* !!



xoxoxox

Jessica



1 comment:

  1. Amazing! Again, I really appreciate this level of revelation that you're sharing with us!

    ReplyDelete